Guilt

It has been a rough few weeks. I am finding it hard some days to just get through and accomplish the required daily tasks of being a wife and mommy. Spaghetti O's for dinner?! I know that the grieving process is different for everyone, but I never imagined that it would be like this for me. Life is so different without my Dad here on this earth. His being consumed much of my thoughts on a daily basis for such a long time. He was my inspiration for becoming a nurse. I wanted to learn about what was physically happening to him. My knowledge of that has left me feeling guilty. Guilty for not talking about it with him, and telling him that he was dying. I find peace in believing that he knew it was his time, and that he really wasn't in pain as he stated moments before his passing. Guilty because I didn't talk to my Mom and sister about it just days before. I could have given them a chance to say goodbye. I just couldn't break their hearts by forcing reality. I know in my heart that I will be with him again one day as our Heavenly Father gave us the gift of eternal families and that makes me happy.